There Is No Going Back

As I sit in a small little coffee shop and reflect on my summer I can’t help but think of the ending quote from Frodo in the Return of the King…

“…We found ourselves looking upon a familiar sight. We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on… when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend… some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold. Bilbo once told me his part in this tale would end… that each of us must come and go in the telling….You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.” …

I feel just like Frodo…well besides the whole part of dealing with having carried a ring of power for 13 months, traveling through orc infested lands, almost eaten by a giant spider, getting my finger bit of by Gollum, and saving the whole world by destroying Sauron. Beside that we are basically in the same boat, well I guess not that either (those that now LOTR would get that reference 😛), anyways here Frodo states how its so hard to come back and pick up from where he left off and try to live life as he  did 13 months ago before any of this happened. The thing is he couldn’t. I find my self asking the same question. Somethings will never be the same and sometimes you don’t even know where to go or what to do next. You have seen things people couldn’t even imagine and experienced people, placed, cultures, and situations that will forever change the lens that you see life though. The thing that even makes it harder is trying to live now surrounded by people that haven’t been where you’ve been or experienced what you experienced. it doesn’t make you any better and doesn’t mean you don’t love those people but sometimes its impossible to relate or to explain what really happened to you. Yes you can share where you went and what you did, but can never make them feel what you felt in those moments of brokenness and confusion or have them experience what you experienced when you watched God show up in the craziest ways. So “How do you go on… when there is no going back?” I don’t think there is a simple answer or formula to follow. I’m figuring it out day by day and moment by moment. With all that being said now how do I summarize my sum summer how do i put words to explain what really happened?

God showed up in powerful ways all throughout my time in Colorado and Africa but not always in the way I expected or even wanted. I was reminded throughout these moments that neither I nor any man is in control and we have to…no we get to trust God and know that his plan is at work amongst all the chaos and confusion. That we can rest in knowing that He has gone before us and has prepared a way. That way might not always be clear or the “safest or smarted” path to take but if we walk into those places, decisions, and even moments we will begin to discover so much more of who our God is and just maybe even a bit more of who we are or what we are capable of. I walked away from my time from Colorado and Africa with a better understanding of that the Kingdom is alive and is at work all around us in such tangible ways. I got a  better sense of what community could be. I realized and stepped into a deeper lever of maturity and responsibility. I saw and experienced the richness and value from being poured into by people older and wiser then me. I rediscover how sweet it can be to be fully you in God’s presences and how to be with Him for a long period of time, sometimes for a awkward and a painful amount of time, but how life giving it can be. I saw and experience the pain of persecuted and despised people. I experienced moments of Gods divine timing and guidance and witnessed the start of “future greatness” as Laura said as we watched Branson connect and discuss, with future partners, ministry ideas for the people group that God has laid o his heart (not specified for safety reasons) and watched as moments of travel between locations became ministry opportunities and where people surrendered  their lives to Christ. But how I felt a long the way and what God did in my heart and life there isn’t really a way to explain it. But that’s ok! I don’t need to you understand everything I felt and went though. You aren’t aren’t suppose to what your suppose to do is go and experience God on your own adventure in your own unique and personal way, that I nor anyone else will  fully understand. That’s the beauty of the Kingdom!

But know what?!

As Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin found themselves home after a very life changing adventure I find myself in a very similar place. After four years in college and four summers of world travel I find myself at a place where I haven’t been very often, HOME. For me personally, unlike the four hobbits, I was dreading going home. I didn’t want to give up the life of adventure and community that I had at college or trade a place and people I hold so dear like in Colorado and Africa for a place that I don’t find rest or community. I feel restless and stuck. Maybe its because I don’t want to fit into that stereo type of post college life and living with your parent or maybe I just wanting to know what is next and go on that next great adventure or “become an adult” with my own place but whatever it is find myself, even as I write this, coming into a place of contentment and peace and feeling God calling into a time of rest and being still. For me as this traveler at heart it is kind of a hard thing to do. Maybe it’s symbolic or just me but as I sit here in a coffee shop in “Travelers Rest” I cant help but laugh and kind of wonder if God is trying to show me something. On top of that today’s verse on my phone is “Be still and know I am God!…” It is funny sometimes how God can get a hold of you and speak something to you. I don’t know what the future holds for me, what job ill have next, what new friends i’ll make, when i’ll meet my wife or if i’ve already met her (praying she is out there). I don’t know where ill be living in a year or what countries i will visit next, and I have no clue what I will be doing for the rest of my life. But that’s OK! I don’t need to figure it all out. I just need to walk faithful into today and let tomorrow worry about itself and try to be a traveler at rest.

Keeping with the Lord of the Rings theme I leave you with the song of Bilbo…

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.

Thanks for reading and happy adventures!

Your Friends,

Relentless Warrior